10 Reasons We Avoid Healing Our Heart
We all experience loss at some point in our lives. There is no escaping it. We think it is abnormal or unnatural to feel the pain of loss so we avoid it......no matter what the cost. So we avoid it. Here are ten reasons we use to avoid healing our hearts.
1. I don’t have time.
I get it. Taking time to heal seems inconvenient. If you ever had a physical injury like a sprain or a broken bone, we never plan on those but we find ourselves forced to take the time to recover. Otherwise, it would either take longer to heal or heal incorrectly, causing future pain or even in inability to regain full strength. It is no different when our hearts break. Taking the time to heal your heart is necessary and it will be worth it.
2. I don’t want to feel my pain.
At some point you have to. That is why you are feeling the way you are right now; angry, bitter, frustrated at even the small things, isolating yourself and more. It’s exhausting when we don’t allow our self to sit in our pain and keep working to avoiding it. We want to intellectualize our grief. Meaning; we believe we can just keep grief “in our heads”, we know we have experienced a loss but we are not feeling the loss in a deep and meaningful way. We don’t want to feel it, yet we have to so we can heal from it.
3. It’s too soon.
It’s never too soon to work on healing. Everyone is different. There is not right or wrong time. But the sooner you can start, it’s always better. When you are ready to heal, that is when you start.
4. It’s too late
You may feel like it has been too long. That’s not true either. Again, everyone is different your story is what it is. It’s never too late. Five years, ten years, twenty years, forty years after a loss you can start experiencing healing. You just have to take the step now
5. I can’t afford it.
You can’t afford not to. It is cheaper than therapy, which we tend to need when we don’t learn how to work through our grief properly. Unresolved grief will manifest in many different forms. We may spend time and money on distractions like clothes, makeup, electronics and yet if we simply started the healing process, we could actually gain our lives back. What is the price for emotional freedom?
6. I don’t want to cry…. especially in front of others.
We are taught, from an early age, that we should grieve alone and that we shouldn’t let people see us cry. This is a myth. But isn’t the loss worth the tears that we shed? Can you put a number on how many tears you should shed for your loss? It’s natural for us to cry but when we try to “manage” it or hide it, we are only burying the necessary grieving.
“Tears are of extreme relevance for human nature,” says Vingerhoets.
“We cry because we need other people.
(Ad Vingerhoets, a professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands and the world’s foremost expert on crying, in his 2013 book, Why Only Humans Weep.)
7. I’m fine.
Are you? Really? I said that for years, until I was finally able to see that I was just going through the motions. I had unresolved grief that I managed and believe I was dealing with it by being busy. Some of the busy things were good things and some were simply a way to avoid facing reality. And that time robbed me from truly living a life filled with joy and freedom.
8. I am not comfortable sharing my feelings with others.
This is why I create a safe environment because I can totally relate to this one! You will not sit in a room with a bunch of strangers and talk about how you feel. Yes, we gather in a small group environment, but you will participate with only one or two other people to share Grievers tend to isolate and we need to speak our grieving out loud to someone. We have to break the isolation by participation. By sharing with someone else you are learning that it is ok to talk and share your grief. It is part of the healing process.
9. I don’t want to do the work.
When was the last time you obtained something good without putting forth any effort? The work involved in healing from grief requires you to get emotionally uncomfortable. I understand that never feels good, but it will be worth it. The result is emotional freedom, healthier relationships and a healthier you!
10. My loss isn’t that big
We cannot and should not compare our losses. Pain is pain. We have no idea how someone else is feeling or what their history or specific circumstances are that surround their loss. Whether you have experienced the loss of a loved one, a pet, a relationship, a job, a dream, health or any of the many other losses, the key to healing is to work through your grief, no matter what it is. It matters because it matters to you!
It's time to stop making excuses and begin to heal your broken heart. Take the steps toward resolving your grief, mending your relationships and living with emotional freedom. You will be surprised at how much energy you have been wasting.
Whether you join a grief recovery group or do some one on one sessions with a grief recovery specialist, start today. If you need some help determining what is best for you please contact me.
It is time to heal your heart!